No account
Nothing to sign up for, on the phone or the computer. You pair once with a QR code or six digits. The optional purchase goes through your Apple Account.
We don't want your email.Augustus Skipworth & SkipWire Laboratories proudly present
The Long-Distance Hand …for your Mac & PC!
CouchWand turns your iPhone or iPad into a multi-touch trackpad, a keyboard with dictation and a gamepad for a Mac or a Windows PC across the room. Your input goes encrypted, straight from phone to computer over your own Wi-Fi. No account. No server of ours in between.
Nobody should have to get up
to click Skip Intro.
Free, brought to you by our sponsors, Up There. (That's the banner at the top of the screen. $3.99 once buys them out.) The Mac and Windows host apps are free, with no ads at all. No subscription. No account. No standing.
HostsmacOS · Windows
ControllersiPhone · iPad
Accounts requirednone whatsoever
Steps requiredzero
Steps Mr. Skipworth has not taken since March 4, 1974
134,000,000
Estimated by the accountants at seven thousand a day. The accountants have been sedated.
On the morning in question he was carried out at 9:04 a.m., in the chair. Carried, not walked. The count stands.
“In the living room of the future, ladies and gentlemen, no man will rise from his chair to press a button across the room. The button will come to him. Or rather, he will reach it, from wherever he happens to be seated.” The Narrator
Thank you, Narrator, that'll do. Folks, Gus Skipworth. I haven't walked since 1974 and I don't intend to start for a computer. In 1958 I had a mechanical hand built that reaches across the hangar. Now it fits in your pocket. You're welcome. Hold still, the future's loading.
Augustus Skipworth, from his chair
Reel 2 · The Incident in the Screening Room
A True Story, MostlyWho Gets Up for a Button?
Friday evening · The Skipworth screening room · Sixty feet from the computer
The Founder is installed in the front row of the screening room, which he paid to have rotate. On the computer at the far wall, a small grey box appears in the corner of the picture: Skip Intro. It will vanish in ten seconds.
The moving walkway does not run to the computer. It runs from bed to breakfast. It has never been asked to do anything else.
The Butler“Shall I press it, sir?”
The Founder“Absolutely not. Bring me the Hand.”
The Long-Distance Hand is wheeled in on its brass cart. It unfolds. It reaches. It arrives in nine seconds, and the box disappears in eight.
The Founder“Harriet. Make it smaller. Make it fit in my waistcoat. And make it work on the Windows machine too. I own one of those for reasons.”
Read the Founder's full account in the archives ↓The Narrator Miss Harriet Pell, Chief Engineer, built the Long-Distance Hand in 1958 and the pocket edition in rather longer than the Founder allotted. Her name appears on neither. The Agreeable Butler, who had changed the channel for the household since 1979, has been reassigned to agreeing full time. He says he's fine.
For the record, here is how the Hand has shrunk over the years, according to the Founder's own ledger. Drawn to scale.
Weight of the Long-Distance Hand, by model
Each bar is drawn to scale against the Mark I. The last one is drawn to scale too. You may need to squint.
Mark I · 1958reach: 40 feet4,000 lbplus three Skipwrights
Mark II · 1966reach: 60 feet900 lbon a monorail
Mark III · 1974the year he sat down310 lbreach: the hangar
Mark IV · 1988fits a steamer trunk46 lbtrunk not included
CouchWand · todayreach: anywhere on your Wi-Fi≈ 6 ozphone included
Reach is measured from the Founder's chair. Weights from the Founder's ledger, which the Narrator has asked us to describe as “his.”
CouchWand is the Hand. Stay seated. Click anyway.
Reel 3 · Making Introductions
How It WorksIn Four Acts
The phone and the computer meet once. It takes about a minute. After that, they are friends for life, or until you say otherwise.
-
Act I · The Host
Install the free host app.
On the Mac it lives in the menu bar; on Windows, in the system tray. No window, no Dock or taskbar icon. On a Mac, allow Accessibility once so it can move the pointer and type.
“It asks for no Dock. Modesty is a feature I install in others.” -
Act II · The Room
Join the same network.
Phone on Wi-Fi, computer on the same Wi-Fi or wired to the same router.
“Same house, same wire. Wire isn't free, but this bit was.” -
Act III · The Handshake
Pair with a code.
Choose Pair New Device… in the menu bar or tray. Scan the QR code with CouchWand, or type the six digits.
482 910 example“Six digits. I wanted eleven. Harriet won.”
code -
Act IV · Forever After
The dot turns green.
Slide a finger and the pointer moves. From then on the app reconnects by itself. Pairings never expire; they end only when you remove them.
Studio Mac “Further!”
Inter-office memorandum · Re: How far the Hand reaches
The Hand reaches anywhere on your own network, and no farther. It does not go out over the open internet, and there is no relay station of ours for it to pass through. Like the Founder, it stays home.
Filed by Laboratory Staff
Every step in detail, with the troubleshooting checklist · No computer handy? In the app, open the Computers list and choose Try demo.
Reel 4 · The Exhibit Hall
Applied LazinessExhibits of the Seated Arts
Each specimen has been tested by laboratory staff, from their chairs. Nobody stood. That was the test.
Exhibit A-1 · The Trackpad
Every finger, read separately.
Your phone becomes a multi-touch trackpad that tells a scroll from a pinch and a tap from a drag. The host turns each gesture into what your computer expects.
- Tap to click, two-finger tap to right-click, tap-and-hold to drag
- Two-finger scrolling with momentum; natural scrolling is a setting
- Pinch to zoom
- Three-finger swipes: Mission Control and Spaces on a Mac, Task View and virtual desktops on Windows
- While you learn, a ring follows each finger and a badge names the gesture
“I have ten fingers. I use one. The other nine supervise.” · Gus
Exhibit A-2 · The Palette
The keys your phone leaves out.
Type with the iOS keyboard you already use. Above it sits a shortcut palette with three pages: Keys, Media and System. It speaks your computer's language.
- On a Mac: Shift, Control, Option and Command, with ⌘C, ⌘V and friends
- On Windows: Shift, Ctrl, Alt and Win, with Ctrl+C and the rest
- Never a mix: no Command key on a PC, no Win key on a Mac
- Volume, playback and brightness on the Media page
- Tap a modifier once for the next key, twice to lock it
“A Command key on a Windows machine is a rash. We do not spread rashes.” · Gus
Exhibit A-3 · The Sideways Arrangement
Turn it sideways. Type with both thumbs.
Rotate the phone and the keyboard splits in two, one half under each thumb, with the palette split above them. Everything else, including the corridor down the middle, stays one continuous trackpad.
- Shift, caps lock, number and symbol pages, accent pop-ups
- Cursor drag on the space bar, and an arrows key
- On iPad, a hardware keyboard passes straight through
“Two thumbs. Both mine. Both working.” · Gus
Exhibit B-1 · The Dictaphone
Talk instead of typing.
Tap the mic key on the iOS keyboard and talk. The words appear on the computer as you speak, corrections included. iOS does the listening; CouchWand sends the text like typing.
- Paste in sends your phone's clipboard to the computer and pastes it
- Copy out copies the computer's selection onto your phone
“I haven't typed since 1958. I dictate. The machine types. The machine has never once asked for a raise.” · Gus
Exhibit B-2 · The Recreation Department
A gamepad, for the PC across the room.
Tap the controller button and the phone becomes a gamepad with five layouts, including Touch, where a stick appears wherever your thumb lands.
- Windows, with the free ViGEmBus driver: a virtual XInput-compatible controller
- Any Mac, or Windows without it: sticks and buttons become keys and mouse
- Rebind every button under Gamepad Mapping in the menu bar or tray
- The Controller switch is off by default, so no ghost controller lingers
- No ads or upsells in gamepad mode
“I challenged the yo-yo champion to a racing game. He has not been the same.” · Gus
Exhibit B-3 · The Estate
Several computers, one switcher.
Pair as many Macs and PCs as you own. The pill at the top shows which one you're driving, with a green dot when it's connected. Tap it to switch, and the palette changes its keys to match.
“I have one in every room, including the pantry. The pantry's runs Windows. It knows what it did.” · Gus
Exhibit C-1 · The Customization Studio
Build the remote you actually want.
Design your own shortcut pages: buttons for any key or chord, typed snippets, mouse clicks, and macros that chain steps with timed delays. Start from a preset or from nothing.
- Presets: Developer & Terminal, Couch Media, Creative & CAD, Browser & Window Master
- Mac and Windows keep separate layouts; export and import them
- Try it all free in preview; saving is part of Remove Ads + Themes
- Themes: Classic free; OLED Black, Liquid Glass and Holo Foil with the purchase
“Every button does exactly what I say. I find that very restful.” · Gus
And the rest of the waistcoatAlso on the Premises
- Control Center, Lock Screen and Action button controls (iOS 18)
- A rotation setting that wins over the iOS rotation lock
- One app for iPhone and iPad; on iPad the trackpad is enormous
- A built-in guide to every gesture, replayable from Settings
- Try demo: Mac or Windows PC, with no computer at all
- System page: Spotlight, Force Quit, Task Manager, Lock and more
- Ctrl+Alt+Del on Windows, with administrator access and a one-time policy
- The host starts at login if you like
- Every paired device has its own Remove button
- The illustrated gestures guide
Reel 5 · The Four Refusals
Engraved in BrassWhat the Hand Will Not Do
A hand that types your passwords had better have manners. These are its manners.
No
No middleman
There is no CouchWand server. The phone talks to the computer over your own home network, and nowhere else. Anything from outside it is dropped at the door.
Phone to computer. Full stop.No eavesdropping
Every input packet is encrypted and authenticated with published algorithms (X25519, Ed25519, ChaCha20-Poly1305). No analytics of our own, and no logging of what you type.
Your passwords stay yours.No stuck keys
If the phone disconnects, goes to the background, rotates, or goes quiet for a second and a half, the computer lets go of every key and button it was holding.
It always lets go.The Narrator In fairness to the record: the free edition shows one banner from Google AdMob, which makes its own requests after asking your consent where that applies. Buy Remove Ads + Themes and the ad SDK is never started. The host apps check this website for a new version once a week. That is the whole list.
Meanwhile, in the screening roomThe Butler vs. the Hand
| Topic | The Agreeable Butler | CouchWand |
|---|---|---|
| Getting up | Gets up. Every time. Without complaint. | Nobody gets up. |
| Response time | “Presently, sir.” | Under 0.2 ms median one way in our loopback benchmark. Your Wi-Fi adds its own. |
| Typing a password | Reads it aloud as he types, to be sure. | Encrypted, phone to computer, nobody else. |
| Mac and Windows | “I don't do Windows, sir.” | Both, with the right keys for each. |
| Upkeep | Room, board and a small herb garden. | Free, or $3.99 once to buy out the sponsors. |
| When you leave | Waits up. | Lets go of every key, at once. |
Reel 6 · A Word About Money
Simple, HonestThe Ledger
Every remote feature is free, for as long as you like. One purchase, once, takes down the sign and hands you the keys to the Studio.
The Host Apps
For your Macs and PCsFree
No ads, ever. macOS 14+ · Windows 10 22H2 / 11
- Mac menu bar and Windows tray, no window
- Install on every computer you own
- Starts at login if you like
CouchWand
The People's Edition, for iPhone and iPad$0forever
Brought to you by our sponsors, Up There: one banner across the top. No pop-ups.
- Trackpad, keyboard, dictation and split keyboard
- Shortcut palette with Mac and Windows keys
- Gamepad, all five layouts
- Classic theme, and a preview of the Studio
Remove Ads + Themes
A one-time in-app purchase, known to the Founder as the Buyout$3.99once
US price; the app shows yours before you pay.
- Up There, bought out: the banner goes and the ad SDK never starts
- Save your own buttons, macros and layouts
- OLED Black, Liquid Glass and Holo Foil themes
- Alternate app icons
- No subscription. No account.
“Subscriptions are for Solitary Lake Partners. Pay once and go home.” · Gus
Up There, bought out. For good.The purchase is tied to your Apple Account; Restore Purchases in Settings brings it to a new phone. Nothing about CouchWand renews, expires or emails you.
A word from our sponsors
CouchWand is brought to you by Up There.
“And a warm thank-you to our sponsors, Up There. Fine people. Generous people. I have never once looked at them.”Augustus Skipworth, eyes front
The Narrator “Up There” is whoever the advertising network has placed in the banner at the top of the screen. The Founder does not look up. Looking up is the first step toward getting up. For $3.99, once, you can buy them out and stop wondering.
Why a banner, and not a trial clock?
Because a couch remote is something you might only use on Friday nights. Start a seven-day trial on a Tuesday and it has expired before the media PC is even switched on. With one banner, you test on your own schedule, on your own couch, and pay once when the sign starts to bother you.
The banner never covers the trackpad, palette, keyboard or gamepad.
Folks, you don't remove a sponsor. You buy him out. In 1957 a hotel told me checkout was at eleven, so I bought the hotel. Three dollars and ninety-nine cents buys out Up There, permanently: they go home, you keep the couch. I'd have made it cheaper, but wire isn't free, and neither is Harriet. That'll do.
Augustus Skipworth, on the Buyout
Reel 6½ · The Requisition Office
Fill Out No FormsRequisition Your Copy
Mr. Skipworth abolished the forms. Simply choose your machine. You'll want the host app on the computer and CouchWand on the phone.
CouchWand for Mac
The host · receives the Hand macOS 14 Sonoma or later- Signed with an Apple Developer ID and notarized
- Unzip, move to Applications, open
- Allow Accessibility once, when asked
CouchWand for Windows
The host · receives the Hand Windows 10 22H2 or Windows 11, 64-bit- Installer needs no administrator rights; a portable copy is also offered
- Allow CouchWand through the firewall on private networks
- Optional: the free ViGEmBus driver, for a virtual controller
Not code-signed yet, so SmartScreen may hesitate. Choose More info, then Run anyway. Mr. Skipworth has offered to buy SmartScreen.
CouchWand for iPhone & iPad
The Hand itself iOS 17 or iPadOS 17 or later- Free, courtesy of Up There; $3.99 once buys them out
- Control Center and Action button controls need iOS 18
- Pair as many computers as you like
“Install it on every computer you own. I did. Including the one in the zeppelin.”Augustus Skipworth
Reel 7 · Questions From the Audience
You in the Back, Remain SeatedQuestions, Answered Briefly
Is it really free? What's the catch?
The whole remote is free: trackpad, keyboard, dictation, palette and all five gamepad layouts. It is brought to you by our sponsors, Up There, which is to say one banner ad at the top of the screen. $3.99 once removes it and unlocks the Studio, themes and icons. The host apps are free with no ads.
Who are your sponsors, Up There?
Whoever the advertising network puts in the banner at the top of the app that day. It changes. We don't choose them and Mr. Skipworth has never looked. Remove Ads + Themes ($3.99 once, or as the Founder calls it, the Buyout) thanks them for their service and sends them home.
Do I need an account?
No. There is nothing to sign up for, on the phone or on the computer. You pair once with a QR code or a 6-digit code. The optional purchase goes through the App Store on your Apple Account.
What does it send over the internet?
Your mouse movements and keystrokes travel only over your local network, encrypted, between phone and computer. The host apps fetch a small public version file from this website once a week and when you choose Check for Updates. In the free edition, the ad network makes its own requests to load the banner, after asking for consent. With Remove Ads + Themes, the ad SDK never starts.
Why does the Mac app need Accessibility permission?
macOS only lets an app move the pointer and type for you once you allow it: System Settings, Privacy & Security, Accessibility, then turn on CouchWand. The menu bar item shows whether it's granted and links to the right page.
It can't find my computer. What should I check?
The host app is running; both devices are on the same Wi-Fi; Windows Firewall allows CouchWand on private networks; and no VPN or guest Wi-Fi with client isolation is in the way. Still stuck? Remove the pairing and pair again. The full checklist is on the support page.
Can I use it as a game controller?
Yes. On Windows, with the free ViGEmBus driver installed, CouchWand appears as a virtual XInput-compatible controller. On a Mac, or on Windows without the driver, the sticks and buttons become keys and mouse actions you can remap. ViGEmBus is a separate third-party project that CouchWand doesn't include.
Which iPhone or iPad do I need?
Any that runs iOS or iPadOS 17 or later. Control Center, Lock Screen and Action button controls need iOS 18.
How do I unpair, or restore my purchase?
To unpair, choose Remove next to the device in the menu bar or tray, or swipe left on the computer in the app's Computers list. To restore, open Settings in the app and tap Restore Purchases, signed in with the same Apple Account.
Did Mr. Skipworth really invent the remote control?
He says so. The Narrator has asked us to point out that remote controls are several decades older than CouchWand. Mr. Skipworth has asked us to point out that the Narrator was standing up at the time.
Who actually built it?
Mr. Skipworth would like it known that he supplied the vision. Miss Harriet Pell supplied the, what do you call it. The rest.
Is Augustus Skipworth a real person?
He would prefer you didn't ask. CouchWand is real, though, and you can stay seated while you find out.
Reel 8 · Optional Viewing
The Founder's
The Founder's
Archives
None of this is required to use CouchWand. Mr. Skipworth insisted it be kept anyway.
Reel 2½ · A Personal Letter From the Desk of the Founder On the matter of getting up · Dictated, not typed · Delivered by pneumatic tube
Folks. On Friday evening I sat down in my screening room to watch a picture. I had earned the sitting. I have been earning it since 1974.
Sixty feet away, on the computer at the far wall, a small grey box appeared in the corner. It said Skip Intro. It gave me ten seconds.
Now, I do not get up. This is not laziness. Laziness is a man who could get up and won't. I am a man who has arranged his entire estate so that the question never arises. The walkway goes to breakfast. The desk goes on a monorail. And the buttons, all of them, are pressed by the Hand.
The Butler offered to press it. He always offers. He is an agreeable man and I do not deserve him, which is why I have him.
“Absolutely not. Bring me the Hand.”
The Hand arrived in nine seconds. The box left in eight. I watched the whole introduction, all ninety seconds of it, in silence, out of respect for the defeat.
And I thought: every man in America has a computer across a room and a chair he'd rather not leave. Most of them do not own forty feet of brass. Most of them own a telephone.
So I called Harriet, from the chair, and I said: make the Hand fit in a telephone. Make it work on a Macintosh and on the Windows machine. Make it talk to nobody but the computer it's pointed at. No exchange, no switchboard, no fellow in the middle reading what I type. And make it let go of everything the moment I'm done with it, because a hand that won't let go is not a hand, it's a lawsuit.
She said it would take a while. It took a while. I have named it after the couch, which is where I'll be.
“Stay seated. The future reaches.”
Augustus Skipworth
Narrator's note: Mr. Skipworth dictated this letter from the chair to the Agreeable Butler, who agreed with every word of it, including the ones he had to correct.
Reel 4½ · The Hall of Achievements A Life Spent Seated Bronze plaques from the west wing of the Skipworth Memorial Lobby
Bronze plaques from the west wing of the Skipworth Memorial Lobby, each installed to answer a doubter who has since been forgotten. The west wing has no stairs. He had them removed.
- 1952
Sleep, Attempted
Tries sleep, once. Finds it too horizontal. Never tries it again.
Verdict: “Too horizontal.”
- 1958
The Long-Distance Hand
Unveils forty feet of brass, one white glove and three operators, so that no button need ever be walked to again.
Verdict: “Adequate reach.”
- 1974
The Last Step
Takes his final step. Installs a moving walkway from bed to breakfast, and has not walked since.
Verdict: “Final.”
- 1977
The Desk That Follows
Puts his desk on its own monorail, so the work comes to him. It follows him into the lake.
Verdict: “Overdue.”
- 1979
The Butler's Dial
Assigns the Agreeable Butler to the television dial, permanently.
Verdict: “Too loyal.”
- 1983
Point to Point
Runs point to point on the moving walkway, in a straight line through the accounting office.
Verdict: “Damp, but correct.”
- 1985
Right-Sized
Right-sized by Solitary Lake Partners and escorted from the building at 9:04 a.m. Keeps the chair.
Verdict: “The chair is the company.”
- Today
The Pocket Edition
The Hand fits in a pocket, reaches any Mac or PC on the network, and lets go when asked.
Verdict: “Merely accurate.”
A footnote from the Narrator. Miss Pell's name is not on any of these plaques. The accountants have since dried out. The Butler's herb garden, which the walkway was rerouted through in 1983, now grows in a tunnel. He visits it on Sundays. Mr. Skipworth has never asked where he goes.
Reel 4¾ · The Skipworth Collection Inventions the Public Wasn't Ready For From the Long-Distance Hand to the one in your pocket
Gus Skipworth is the proprietor of SkipWire Laboratories, a Division of Tomorrow. He inherited a modest fortune in 1949 and made it immodest by Thursday. He has not walked since 1974. None of these were failures. Mr. Skipworth has been very clear about that.
NOW
CouchWand
The Long-Distance Hand, pocket edition. Your iPhone or iPad becomes a trackpad, keyboard and gamepad for the Mac or PC across the room. Miss Pell built it. Mr. Skipworth named it after the couch, which is where he'll be.
Mr. Skipworth's verdict“Merely accurate.”
The one in your pocket
1958
The Long-Distance Hand
Forty feet of brass and one white glove, so no button need ever be walked to. It pressed every button in the building. Twice.
Mr. Skipworth's verdict“Adequate reach.”
1966
The Agreeable Butler
A valet with a vocabulary of one phrase: “Excellent idea, sir.” Later reassigned to the television dial, and later still to agreeing full time.
Mr. Skipworth's verdict“Too loyal.”
1968
The Moon Telephone
A direct line to the Moon, installed before anyone was up there to answer it. He left a message. He is still expecting a call back.
Mr. Skipworth's verdict“The Moon wasn't ready.”
1977
The Desk That Follows You
A writing desk on its own monorail, so the work comes to him. It followed him into the lake.
Mr. Skipworth's verdict“Overdue.”
LATELY
SkipWire
Your own computer, delivered by wire to any screen in the house, or the world. Free. Forever.
Mr. Skipworth's verdict“You're welcome.”
LATELY
SpitePDF
The unsubscribed pencil: a PDF editor you buy once, like a pencil, and keep.
Mr. Skipworth's verdict“Transaction concluded.”
Reel 4⅞ · The Estate, From Above The Lake Inside the Lake A survey in seven zooms · Begin at the chair · When in doubt, say Further
Zoom 1 of 7
The Chair
Where Mr. Skipworth has been since 1974. Elevation: seated.
Reel 8½ · Physical Culture
Feeling restless?
The Laboratories' physician recommends getting up and walking over to the computer at least once a day.
Sit down. I haven't since 1974, and look how I turned out. The physician has been reassigned to the pantry.
Augustus Skipworth
Reel 8¾ · Please Do Not Touch the Exhibit
The Long-Distance Hand, Mark I
On loan from the hangar, and set down beside the button only temporarily. The Skipwrights assure us it is perfectly stable.
Folks, press it again. It can't get any worse in here.I'm standing. That's how bad it's gotten.
It is perfectly stable.